I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
