i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
