i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
