I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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