oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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