I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
