i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
