Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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