careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
