Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
