so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
