I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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