Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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