I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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