I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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