I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want her autograph on my taint
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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