help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
