people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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