It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
