if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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