Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
