your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
