So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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