Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
