Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i now understand why vodka
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
