i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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