i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
