Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize