im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
