I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
