that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize