had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
