Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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