sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
