guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had sex on a roof
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
