Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
