i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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