it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
