Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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