I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
