I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
