My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
