i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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