i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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