I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
