how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
