I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She's the barista slut.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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