i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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