I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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