Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
