I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
