Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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