i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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