I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize