Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
