these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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