Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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