There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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