i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
