This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
