The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
