I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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